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The Year I Learned to Text: Why Am I Having Sex with a Muslim in My Basement? (The Muslim Romance Trilogy Book 1)

Penned By Juliet Montague
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The Year I Learned to Text: Why Am I Having Sex with a Muslim in My Basement? (The Muslim Romance Trilogy Book 1)

Penned By Juliet Montague
4.85 98,721 Ratings
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Editor's Note:
The Year I Learned to Text Why Am I Having Sex with a Muslim in My Basement? Whoever said that politics and religion don’t mix forgot to throw hot sex into the equation. When Julie, a celibate post-menopausal conservative, reinventing herself in Hollywood as an actor/comedian/realtor, takes on a handsome Persian Muslim twenty-two years her junior as her boy toy, she eagerly takes flight on a magic carpet ride into the addictive chemistry of unconditional love, which eventually consumes her. Between auditioning, working on television sitcoms and movies, driving lookie-loos about the city, caring for her two dogs and one persnickety cat, performing her stand-up routine, and making vain attempts at keeping her familial relationships from collapsing, Julie, a retired court reporter and empty-nester mother of three, slips into her busy life erotic meetings in her basement with Ali, who claims to be an Internet marketing entrepreneur. In the light of scented candles, Julie comes of age and is awakened sexually by the black-eyed bad boy, who does not want to touch her in certain places, and who ritualistically washes his penis in her bathroom sink immediately after contact. Too soon he becomes her life, a life she senses has come and gone too soon. Late in life, she has learned patience: Ali is always two hours late to their trysts. He is on Persian time. The Hollywood Bungalow Mews, in which Julie lives, is a recurring character; each resident having his and her opinion of the goings on at Julie’s Spanish six hundred and forty foot brothel. However, no one has ever witnessed Ali’s comings and goings, which leads Julie to wonder if, in deed, she hasn’t simply invented him, in light of the ongoing political climate and The War on Terror. When he invites her to join him to live in a cave in Afghanistan, she begins to believe his anti-American pillow talk. An American citizen born in Iran and an honor graduate from UCLA, Ali bemuses our heroine with the contradictions of his Islamic religion, his hypochondria¬¬¬, and the exact whereabouts of his apartment. Julie feeds her bewilderment with hours spent Googling everything Middle Eastern, always a Cuba Libra and cigarette to steady her. Quickly she learns more about Islam than she ever wanted to know. Her new knowledge of Female Genital Mutilation has her legs crossed in a clenched position. Ali’s hatred toward anything American begins to frighten Julie, who dreams of contacting the FBI or the CIA in an attempt to save him from himself, Natasha Fatale and friends close at hand. Her immediate family—a successful model and television actress daughter, a successful know-it-all divorced sister, and an obnoxious, Pollyanna mother on the edge of dementia—each have their own advice to stir up the cauldron of Julie’s frustrations. In an effort to loosen from his grasp, Julie buys a second home to renovate, a foreclosed vintage cabin in the mountains, to which she runs in her feeble attempts to find herself in between mini-breakups from the Muslim sociopath, who continually bounces back into her Hollywood bungalow basement. Julie at last frees herself, and after one year of soul-searching and never-before experienced depression, she finds him once again on her doorstep asking for her hand in Marriage Islam Style, the threat of three more wives looming on the sand-swept horizon. Can Julie walk away?

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Released March 3, 2011
Identifier (ISBN) 33978296
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Juliet Montague
The Mind Behind the Work
Juliet Montague

Juliet Montague is the author of several novels. Originally from the East Coast, they now live in the Midwest with family. In addition to writing, Juliet Montague enjoys gardening, cooking, and reading way past bedtime. Their work often explores the complexities of everyday life and human relationships.

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Anthony Hernandez
Anthony Hernandez August 31, 2025
"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A very distinguished novel."
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"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. A true literary gem."
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David Harris
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"Exceeded all my expectations. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
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Paul Moore August 17, 2024
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"Such a rich narrative. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
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"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
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Carol Gonzalez
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"I was completely blown away. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. Worth every moment spent reading."
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"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Carol Gomez
Carol Gomez March 27, 2024
"Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. A true literary gem."
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"Such a rich narrative. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
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"Such a rich narrative. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Paul Moore
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"A profoundly satisfying read. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
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"Exceeded all my expectations. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem."
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Ashley Smith
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"Masterpiece from start to finish. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. Worth every moment spent reading."
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"Masterpiece from start to finish. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars."
Betty Lopez
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"Masterpiece from start to finish. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. A true literary gem."
David Torres
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"Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Kenneth Hill
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"Masterpiece from start to finish. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
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"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A solid 4 stars from me."
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"An acceptable diversion. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. Perfectly average."
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Donna Taylor
Donna Taylor March 08, 2024
"I find myself somewhat conflicted. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. Suitable if your reading queue is empty."
Stephanie Sanchez
Stephanie Sanchez February 09, 2025
"A decent, if standard, experience. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. Suitable if your reading queue is empty."
Ashley Cruz
Ashley Cruz March 01, 2025
"A very strong entry. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Carol Wilson
Carol Wilson May 02, 2024
"Exceeded all my expectations. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
Mary Nguyen
Mary Nguyen January 30, 2025
"A profoundly satisfying read. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
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